Alright. This took forever for me to write. I really have been busy, helping friends through breakups, spending time with that guy who makes my head spin, attending the start of Christmas parties and working late. I have not been procrastinating, because frankly this topic doesn't bother me much at all. Much.
I get it. I really do. I'm just not as affected by it as most of the single girls, and at least one single guy, that I know.
I guess I'll address i.said.it.now.deal first, before I explore the issue more broadly. You are not too picky. It's an excuse for sabotage. It looks like you are picky because you break up with girls for superficial, and frankly stupid reasons. The first girl isn't thin enough, but the next girl is unhealthy looking. You always date blondes and brunettes are your type. A girl with a good career is too busy, but one with just a job wants too much of your time. Whatever.
Ladies, if you encounter him he is, in fact, a good catch. But as much as he thinks he is, he's not ready. Not really. He needs to really let go of the past if he is ever going to move forward. Still, he, like so many others, is just bothered by that tick tock, society-imposed clock.
There is a huge pressure on single 20-somethings. Even more on 30-somethings. It's mostly unintentional - you walk into the situation that i.said.it.now.deal walked into - but sometimes it is intentional - "why don't you find a nice man to settle down with?" (Please stop mom).
It's awful when your friends start to become all couples. And for girls it's worse.
I have a friend who's boyfriend, in all fairness, may or may not be an idiot. I don't know him well but I'm not impressed by the way he treats her. But she is sooo hung up -- at the late-in-life age of 27 -- on having a baby. If this guy isn't the guy then she'll never have a baby. She'll be 28 and single and not have a baby!
To her, this really is the end of the world. Not the fact that she could wind up with a guy who treats her poorly and spend most of her life miserable or walking on eggshells trying to please a man who is going to be an idiot regardless. It's that at 28 she is an old woman who isn't married and preggers.
Yeesh. Any guesses on why the divorce rate is 50 per cent?
I am extremely independent. I have a career, pay my bills and take care of myself. I, like i.said.it.now.deal, also tend to date for short periods of time before breaking it off (months usually, not days like some people). But for me, it's because spending five years in a relationship that wasn't working taught me something. A lot of things actually. But one thing I learned is that I won't settle ever again. To me, nothing is worth a lifetime of unhappiness.
There are too many people who marry to have kids. There are too many people who stay married because of kids. There are too many people who give in to that apple-pie, sun-shiney picture of where they are supposed to be in life. They see some other couple "chasing after toddlers" and doing couple things and feel sad, and left out, and like there is something is wrong with them. Those couples just look so damn happy.
Let me tell you a secret. Some are extremely happy. Others most definitely are not. About half if you go by the stats.
I don't think that baby is an excuse either. You can adopt. And with science, you don't even need a partner to have your own (although I believe there is no job harder than a single parent). But more importantly, a baby is a person. They grow up. Children think and feel and are extremely intuitive. So if your gut is telling you that guy/girl is not right long term, bringing kids in the mix won't make it better. It makes it much, much, much worse. And on top of that, it's selfish.
But I understand the pressure. Remember that scene in Bridget Jones when she goes to the couple's party? Yeah, we've all had moments like that. And sometimes they get to me.
Sometimes, when I'm bored, or feel lonely, or find myself at the couples table, I feel just as sad. I wonder if that guy I'm meant to be with is actually out there or if I've missed the boat.
But I'm 28. And I know the alternative. And I know I have time. Why worry now?
So I remember that the grass is always greener and all that. I don't spend much energy worrying about the future. Worry has never helped or changed anything.
I accept my life, single and all, and enjoy it. I hope i.said.now.deal learns to do the same.
Oh, and if you're one of those "oh that poor single person" people here's my message: There is nothing wrong with us. We are not lacking. So fuck off.
Read the original post A.K.A. male post by i.said.it.now.deal.
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