Math of the 20-something Single Guy

I met a great-looking guy last night. He was friendly, had a great job, loved to travel, knew how to dance and made me laugh lots in the short time I spent with him. And he lived in another province. 

This is rule rather than the exception here. The guys who seem worth getting to know are always just visiting. I watch friend after friend bump into the same problem. 

I often wonder if there are any 20-something single guys in this city worth dating. In fact, I have often said that I have no intention of settling down until I am 35. I usually get that "are you nuts" look until I explain my theory. 

Right now, in my late 20s, pickings are pretty slim. There are guys to pass time with sure, but no guys really worth investing any serious time with. Those guys are already in a healthy relationship or married. But by the time I'm in my 30s, factoring in the 50% divorce rate, there are going to be tons of guys who married too young back on the market. And maybe some of the 20-something singles right now will have the time they need to grow up. 

Yeah, I know it's a bit harsh. And maybe, just maybe, there are some guys worth dating still single. But I doubt it. I've done the math. 

I'm not going to get into all the possibilities. I wouldn't be here forever (men aren't that complicated) but I would be here longer than I care to sit. So here are some popular ones.

Good-looking + Great Job = Douchebag

In the not-so-long-ago past I was hooking up with this amazing guy. It lasted for about 8 months and only really ended when he moved away. He had it all. He was hot, had a fantastic job, was smart, funny, and great in bed. He was too good to be true. 

Of course he was. Because I wasn't the only girl that thought that way about him and he knew it.  Guys in this stage of their lives who have it all and aren't in a committed relationship don't feel the need to be in one. They are single by choice. There are far too many pretty 20-something single girls out there willing to continue to feed their egos. Picking up a girl for sex requires little effort on their part, so why not do it? 

Most girls love and hate this guy. He's the bad boy and the manwhore. It's fun to see if we can get them and change them, but really, they'll either settle down when their ready (not in their 20s) or be a bachelor for life. In the meantime, we become just another notch on their belt. 

These guys are great for flings (it was a pretty friggin fantastic fling), especially if you can play with them a bit and have them be the ones guessing for a change. But they aren't the ones you give your heart to. This particular guy left a trail of brokenhearted women in his wake. 

So have a good time and great sex, but don't be surprised when he turns out to be a douchebag.

Good-looking + Special Skill = Douchebag

This guy is exactly like the guy above except he doesn't even need a good job! This is the guy in the band. The sexy artist. The semi-professional sports player. The guy you see other girls looking at and who it feels exciting to be seen on their arm. Screw? Sure, if you want to. Date? Hey, if you are into being cheated on, knock yourself out.

Good-looking + Nice = Broke

These guys are so disappointing! You know them. You see a hot guy. He asks you out. You get excited -- how could this guy possibly be single? He takes you out for coffee and you find out he is......"between jobs".  

These are the guys who lack the ambition and drive to do much with their lives. They live in their parents basement and their moms do their laundry. Some don't even see why that should ever change. 

In any case, these guys just haven't it figured out. They talk about getting jobs they're not skilled for. They talk about going back to school, even though you have never seen them with an application. They say shit like "I'll never be a rich man, but I'll always be good to you". They seem to be several steps behind in this game called life.

Just for clarification, a good job is relative to the girl looking to date the guy. For some, it's just a stable income. For others, it means some kind of prestige. For me personally, it's having job security and enough money to pay the bills and travel. It doesn't mean they are rich (wouldn't it be nice though!). But a guy in his 20s should be able to take a girl out on date night. And if the relationship progresses to the serious stage, he damn well better be able to pay half the bills. 

 

Good Job + (Funny, Smart)  = Unattractive

Mr. Personality. Dammit. We love Mr. Personality! He is sooo fun to hang out with. He's interesting and funny and kind and plans great dates. He would move the sun and the moon to be with us. But......

We just can't seem to pull him out of the friend category. I've tried. I've tried over and over and over. In the end, not being attracted to a person is a real relationship killer. 

One of my exes is like this. We still have lunch together weekly. He makes me laugh, and debates things with me and I always have a great time. And it's not that he's ugly. He's not. But in the end I just can't bring myself to want him. And there is something awful about being with someone you don't want to kiss or have sex with. It's tragic, but true.

Good job + (Nice, Smart) = Boring

These guys are not as common as the others, but they are definitely out there. And it's possible that there are some single 20-something girls that these guys are perfect for. In that case, I hope you find each other. Because they are DEFINITELY not for me. 

There are several things that can make a guy boring. They might suck at conversation. They may just agree with everything you say (always a dealbreaker for me). They may want to stay home all of the time. Whatever it is, they're often not great daters. Having fun together is necessary when you are dating. Unless you are an equally boring girl. In which case, have fun....err....enjoy your mildly stimulating time together. 

Could I pick one of these guys? Yes. But I have no intention of settling. It doesn't mean we can't hang out, go dancing or have a fling. But Mr. Right, I'll see you in my 30s.

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