Last week I went out with a guy. He's pretty cute, but not really my type so I said no the first few times he asked. I was also warned by several friends that he was scenario one . But eventually I did agree to go out with him, mostly because I wanted a guy to take me skating. It started out pretty good. Skating went well, he bought me hot chocolate and then we went for a beer with some mutual friends. I had to leave to meet a friend but later we met up to go dancing. Even then things were going well. Until the end of the night. We split up in a bar, and he thought I had left so he did the logical thing...started making out with some girl on the dance floor. Which is where I found him later.
Well, he was really drunk. And it wasn't a random girl, he knew her. And he thought that I had left because I was gone so long. All this he explained while asking if we could go out again.
It's not that I really liked him or even cared that he made out with another girl. I don't. But I've never gone on a date where the guy kissed some other girl at the end of the night. If I have, the guy was at least smart enough to make sure I was gone first.
Anyways, I was trying to think of some other bad first date stories for this post but I don't have many bad first dates. Well, one, but that was entirely my fault. However, I do have many reasons for not continuing to see a guy.
If you are wondering where cheating is in the following list, no I didn't forget about it. I know @isaiditnowdeal is doing a post on that soon and I wouldn't want to steal his thunder. On purpose anyway ;)
So here it be. Seven things a guy can do to turn a girl off and/or end a relationship.
1) Smothering
Most guys I know fall into one of two categories. They are just looking for the sex and aren't looking for a relationship, or they want all relationship all the time. I'm much more bothered by the latter.
Sometimes these guys are hard to spot. They start out perfectly normal -- taking you out every few days or so, calling about the same. And then, before you even realize how it happened, they've practically moved in.
Don't get me wrong. I like a guy who wants to be with me. But I also need my space. I want to be able to go out with friends sometimes without the guy pouting because I'm not spending the night with him instead. PDA is ok when it's appropriate - holding my hand if we're taking a stroll on the waterfront just say - but not all the time. A guy that is too clingy in a bar or that needs to hold my hand the all night if we are out with friends makes me crazy -- not in a good way.
This is the most common reason that I leave guys. The last guy I dated was like this. I could hardly ever finish a sentence without him kissing me. He wanted to cuddle ALL of the time. He needed to see me every day and got upset (passive-aggressively) if I went to do something else. All this despite me telling him upfront that I needed my space.
Then one day I got up to go to the kitchen and he grabbed my hand to sit me back down. He said he wanted to be close to me. The next words out of my mouth were "Yeah, we need to talk...." End of relationship.
Most guys aren't this extreme. But this does happen a lot. And the minute I feel like I can't breathe I'm done.
2) Jealousy/Possessiveness
Where smothering is the most common reason I break up with someone, jealousy is easily the worst offense. I can't stand a jealous guy. For most other things on this list I might try and move past it. But this one is a dealbreaker.
I'm not saying that a guy will never get jealous. It happens. Of course it happens. But it's all in how it's handled. @isaiditnowdeal said not long ago that he felt it was appropriate to hit a guy if he was hitting on his girlfriend and didn't get the "she's with me" message after a few attempts. Guess what? It's not. Not ever.
Guys, a girlfriend is not your property. You don't own her. Therefore, if a guy hits on your girlfriend, whether she knows him or not, it's up to that girl to let them know she has a boyfriend and is not interested. She can do it politely or not politely -- how she handles it is not your choice. As long as she does this you should be satisfied. Don't tell her you don't like the way she handled it (i.e. she weren't forceful enough, didn't make a big show that she's with you, etc.).
You can also stay close by if you feel you need to, and support the girl if she asks for your help. Even make your presence known by putting your arm around her or buying her a drink (don't to the peacock thing, it's embarrassing) . But taking the first initiative without letting her respond or engaging in a fight is unacceptable.
If you are jealous of a guy that is a close friend of hers, you need to...to put it bluntly...KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT! I swear, I say that to help and with all the good will I can muster.
Even if you think the guy may like her or you don't like that they are close or whatever, being jealous of a friend is a surefire way to cause tension in a relationship. If you repeatedly bring it up it will only upset her and make her feel like she has to choose. If she chooses you, she will resent you and it will manifest in other ways...I promise you that. If she chooses to keep him as a friend instead being with you...well then you're fucked aren't you? Even if it's founded and the guy does like her, she chose to be with you. And you need to trust that.
Another thing is that you DO NOT need to know where she is every minute of the day. I once had a guy who was so possessive that he went ballistic when I missed the bus after class and came home a half hour late. I MUST have been fucking another guy. I've had guys get mad if I don't respond to a text within 10 minutes. Guys who never wanted me to go out with friends. Even a guy who conveniently showed up at the bar I was going to with the girls just to keep an eye out. It will actually make me loathe you. And it will make the relationship pointless. If you can't trust, there's nothing there.
3) Bad Sex
I LOVE sex. It's important to me in a relationship. So if it's bad....well that just sucks. Royally.
Most guys aren't bad in bed. There are a few guys who have absolutely rocked my world. But it doesn't have to be mind-blowing to have a successful relationship (though it is a huge bonus), especially in the beginning. It's something that can be worked on and adapted over time as long as there is clear communication in the relationship.
However, twice in my lifetime I've encountered guys who are just terrible. TMI Alert: One guy I was with only thrust about every five seconds or so. Count to five and see how long it is. Yep. It was awful. The other guy was EXTREMELY selfish -- I could have been a blow up doll or his own hand for all he cared. Then he asked if it was good for me and told me how great it was. WTF?
Unfortunately for them, I want to have a great sex life. There are some girls out there where this just doesn't matter but for me it definitely does.
4)Distant
This is kind of the extreme opposite of smothering. I don't mind a guy going out with his friends -- like I mentioned, I'm not the jealous type and I need some space in a relationship. So this one really isn't about physical closeness. It's more about how I'm treated.
If a guy doesn't put any effort into the relationship it's a problem. If they are never around, it's a problem. If a guy takes me out and acts like they're not with me I will make them suffer a hundred times over. That's a promise.
5) Unnecessarily Mean
Some guys are just mean. This can be as in mean to their girlfriends -- disrespectful, yell a lot, make them feel bad about themselves or anything like that. I did that before and I won't ever do it again. It's unacceptable for me and it should be for any woman. You deserve more from a guy and NOTHING is worth staying in a relationship like that.
There is also the situation where the guy may be nice to you, but is still mean-spirited. I know a guy who is really hot and that I like a lot as a friend. We've been friends for a long time and he's taken me out to dinner. But I would never date him. When he gets drunk and he's a real dick. He'll make fun of people and become really obnoxious. Not cool.
Another guy I went out with was just a bitter person. He complained about everything! His negativity drove me crazy and he often made fun of other people. When I found out he was homophobic it was the end. I don't tolerate hate or bullying.
6) Overly Insecure
Even though this can spawn jealously it's still a different thing. It's that guy that never feels like he is good enough...and feels like he constantly needs to remind you of that.
I'm a pretty girl. I have a good job. Some guys just find that intimidating and that's ok. But for frigs sake, fake it till you make it!
A guy who has low self-confidence and is always concerned about if I make more than him, if I'm too good for him, if I'm too pretty, is going to find himself in a self-fulling prophecy scenario. I'm attracted to confident guys. I don't mean conceited, I just mean someone who is comfortable with themselves and thinks they are every bit as deserving as the next person. A guy who reminds me constantly of his lack of confidence in himself is sure to turn me off.
7) The Job Factor
I'm a pretty open-minded person. There is not much that will preclude me from at least giving a guy a shot even if it's not destined to work out. However, in the famous words of Foxy Brown and Mya - YOU NEED TO HAVE A J.O.B IF YOU WANNA BE WITH ME!
I would love it if a guy made a ton of money and could fly me around the world. But I'd date a guy with pretty much any job. It's not the money that matters; it's that I am a hardworking person and need to see that in my partner. I am not about to support anyone unless we are in it for the long haul. I would never ask a guy to support me.
Sure there are other reasons relationships don't work out. And I know the title of this post is pretty sarcastic. But in all seriousness, most girls just want to be treated well and with respect. And a girl should also treat the guy that way. If not, what the hell's the point?
Read the male perspective by @isaiditnowdeal
obviously you are just going to end up with your best friend
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