There are rare times when @isaiditnowdeal and I agree on stuff? This isn't one of those times. In fact, it's posts like these that make me realize how fundamentally different we are.
Let me state first off that most people aren't juggling multiple people because they don't want to, not because of any of the reasons @isaiditnowdeal outlined in his post. They think it's wrong or whatever. Not saying I have a problem with it, just putting it out there.
Juggling people isn't a conscious thing for me. I don't set out to date 10 people and narrow it down to one (I still think that is an incredibly stupid dating strategy), and I would never invest so much time and effort into juggling them, as he has outlined in his post.
With that said, I am rarely ever talking to/seeing just one person. I'm not actively seeking out multiple people or anything, things just happen that way. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's a law of the universe that there is either no one at all to be interested in, or there are multiple people.
Example given: A guy that I was really interested in moves away for a work project. A guy I was sleeping with off and on for years pretty well loses interest. A guy I met and thought might be nice (or at least help pass the time) turns out to be a douche (see post here). Left with.....fuck all! And bored as hell. The periods where there is no one to be interested in are the worst.
But then.....I meet a new guy, who I think is really hot and is a really good guy too. He seems interested and we start chatting. Then I start hanging out more with a friend I really get along with and have always enjoyed being around. Get drunk, sleep with him, and guess what? He's also great in bed. Somehow, without my knowledge or consent, things start to feel coupley. Maybe, just maybe, this could go somewhere....
But, of course, work project guy (AKA Guy 1) moves home. And asks me out.
Unlike @isaiditnowdeal, I don't consciously set out to date multiple people for something to do. I wouldn't find myself juggling people based on this.
But it doesn't mean I don't juggle people (although I don't like that term. You're such a callous bastard sometimes @isaiditnowdeal). And it doesn't mean I don't do it well.
So, with that in mind, here are my responses to @isaiditnowdeal's comments, or whatever they are.
1) I'm afraid I would confuse the person with another, and not remember what we talked about.
Yeah...I'm not. I have a pretty long memory, but that's probably not why I don't confuse them. One of the things about dating people you actually like, is that you tend to pay attention to what they say. In the instances that I have dated a guy who I'm not into during my "I have nothing better to do phases" I would often find myself mixing them up with others in my head. Not keeping track of what I they tell me, forgetting dates, etc. But in those situations it's because I just don't care. I certainly don't care enough to go through the trouble of planning out my questions or keeping notes in a little black book. And if I don't care, what difference does it make if I call a guy by the wrong name?
I'll confess, and I'm pretty sure this is really just a guy thing, that if you just want to find a way to sleep with multiple people than this would probably help. Keep track of details, girl thinks you're interested and pay attention, girl is more likely to sleep with you. On the other hand, girls don't work like this. I actually (not pretend!) pay attention to the guys I'm interested in, whether it's one or several. And I don't sleep with guys I'm not interested in. So this point is useless to me, and I would venture to say many girls out there.
2) I don't know where I would find the time to see all of these people.
Again, I think waaaay too much thought has gone into this one. Or maybe way too much effort on @isaiditnowdeal's part. I barely have enough time to date anyone, let alone multiple people. But if I'm going to make the effort, you better believe it's not going to be for someone that I don't care about or just for something to do.
If I do like multiple people, and want to see them all, I'll try to see them when I can. But, by doing this I am well aware that it's not something that can be sustained long term. Actually, barely even in the short term. The guy will either get pissed cause I don't spend enough time with them, or one will win out and I'll find myself spending more time with them and less and less with the others. I won't change my schedule or cut into time with my family and friends to keep up relationships with multiple guys that really don't mean anything anyway. I'm much more likely to go out with them, go with it, see where it takes me. The rest plays out on it's own.
3) What happens when I run into one of them, while out with another?
@isaiditnowdeal did make one good point when he said "juggling multiple people isn't about sleight of hand. You don't want to make yourself invisible. Instead, it's about sleight of tongue. What you say, how you say it, and when you say it, which will determine how effect of a multiple dater you will be."
Even though I don't like the way he stated it, it's pretty well true. But in my case, it's more about being honest and upfront.
If I'm dating multiple people it's important that they understand that we are not exclusive. It's important that they understand that until we agree that we're together, they are not my boyfriend and are not to treat me like they are in public. I don't go through all the trouble about fretting the run-in. I've actually been in the same place with more than one guy and as long as everyone knows where they stand, things always seem to work out.
Anyways, I guess @isaiditnowdeal and I are pretty different. I think he enjoys the plotting and scheming where for me it's just a headache. As with my approach to most things, I just go with it, feel good and have fun. Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.
In my current case me and my friend will continue to hang out. But we talk openly and honestly all the time about where we stand and he doesn't pressure me at all. He's ok (for now) with not being exclusive. I'll probably go out with Guy 1 if he asks me again soon. And I'm sure I won't go long without seeing the other guy either.
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