How Do You Want To Be Shut Down?

 

Are you wearing this t-shirt? Cause apparently I am.

Sadly, this post has nothing to do with Valentine's Day. I actually started much before but haven't gotten around to finishing it till now. But on that note, it is also I Love Nova Scotia day!!! And Nova Scotia guys are one reason, even if it's just for the entertainment value they provide.

Ladies, I really am curious to know if this happens to you.

You're out with a guy and you're having a great time. You're getting along, flirting, maybe you've even kissed the guy at some point. The night is coming to an end and the guy asks if you want to go back to his place. You say you had a great time but you better not. Then the guy looks at you and says "Why not?"

I found myself in this situation a couple weeks ago. It was actually with a guy who kissed another girl on our first date so he already has a permanent place at the top of my guys I will never sleep with list. It wasn't a tough choice for me. 

But after apologizing and telling me he knew he was going to have to climb a mountain to get in my good books but he was going to do it (I'm not kidding) he still asked. And I don't think he's all that used to being told no.

He asked if I had something to do the next day. I said no. 

He asked if I was dating someone else. I said no.

Then he said "Well then, why not???"

This isn't the first time this had happened and it led me to consider two things.  

The first was...well...why not?

I like sex. A lot. And if I'm attracted to a guy and unattached I have absolutely no qualms about taking them home. Why would I? I'm sure we'd have a fantastic time. But it's never that easy, is it?

I know there are guys out there that have asked the dreaded question. Some back off, but others seriously don't understand why a girl won't go home with them. We'll, not-so-much gentlemen, as your Valentine's Day treat I'll fill you in (I know, I'm so sweet aren't I?)

There are only two reasons that the girl won't go home with you:

1) The girl is into you.

2) The girl is not into you.

Ok, it could also be her time of the month or she forgot to shave her legs or something, but aside from the physical, these are really the only reasons. 

So, let's take a look at number one from the ladies perspective.

You go out with this guy, you're hitting it off and you think, yeah, this guy seems great. Definitely worth getting to know. At the end of the night he makes the proposition. Sometimes the subtle we could have a drink at my place, other times the outright I want to sleep with you. 

In the wise words of Fergie, "I wonder if I take you home, would you still be in love baby?"

As messed up as that chick is, sometimes she gets it right. 

A girl may want to take the guy up on the offer but if she is really interested in him she shouldn't. I have nothing against first date sex in principle, but in application it  just doesn't work most of the time. 

A girl is more likely to want to have sex with a guy because she is into him. She thinks he's hot, sure, but personality is also extremely important and so is how the date went. If we had a great time, we may be more inclined to take the guy up on it. 

Problem is, there is a huge double standard at play. Guys don't want to date a girl they can sleep with right off the bat.  In other words, you give it up, they bail. It's not true in all cases, but it is in a significant about of them. Therefore, if we want to date a guy, us ladies are forced to say no, even if we really want to. 

I've slept with guys early on. Most times I don't care; sex is what I'm interested in. But twice I've been burned. I was really into two guys but slept with them too early (not at the same time, focus!). In both cases I would have been interested in more then screwing, and even though I did continue to see them, it was never more than that. And as much as we may wish it, there are just no do-overs. My close friend is convinced that this is the sole reason she doesn't have a boyfriend right now.

So, why not? Because I want to get to know you.

Problem is, if a guy is asking for sex on the first date, getting to know you is probably not his first priority anyway.

Then there is the number two scenario. You're just not into the guy. And just because he paid for your meal doesn't mean he's earned a spot in your bed. Maybe he has bad breath. Maybe he was rude to the waiter. Whatever it is, you don't have the desire to sleep with him.

Which leads me to the second thing I considered. 

If this is the case, guys, how the hell do you want us to answer your stupid question?Is there a preferred way you would like to be shut down?

Do you want to hear I'm really just not interested in having sex with you, or you at all?

What about  I don't find you attractive and I really didn't have a great time on this date?

How about You're just not doing it for me?

We could always go with the simple It's not me, it's you.

In the case stated above I told him that he hadn't even laced up his hiking boots, nevermind climbed a mountain. He said "but I am into you and you are into me. It'd be so good".

I said I really didn't think it was a good idea. He continued to push.

Finally I said I was on my period. He was like ok, great, maybe next time. Why didn't you just say so?

Dear God, why are men so stupid?

Read the reply by @isaiditnowdeal