Behind the douche.
Datable or just fuckable?
When it was first suggested that I challenge my colleague i.said.it.now.deal and be the voice of intelligence (and sometimes sanity) to balance his overwhelming maleness, I thought it was a pretty interesting concept. Afterall, many heated discussions have followed his previous blog posts, usually beginning with "you're full of shit", and especially when I've managed to partially inspire a particular post.
So imagine my surprise when I finally get the time and motivation to write something that I would actually agree with a lot in his most recent post "One Night Stands: Rules of Engagement". As the chick who was reading He's Just Not that Into You (full disclosure!), it was especially fun seeing that some of the things i.said.it.now.deal so fiercely denied men do were actually cited in this post (I like being right ;-)
But truly, I do believe that everyone should have the one-night stand somewhere on their bucket list. And why not? There is something extremely exciting, fun, and empowering about hooking up with a hot stranger.
i.said.it.now.deal pointed out that there is a double-standard for females. I'm not so sure that's as true anymore. In a recent game of sociables, with women of a variety of different ages and backgrounds and an "I have never" card, it came out that many of them have done it at some point. Most of my friends have, except the prudes (jk). Or at least have had the intention of it.
And unlike the plight experienced by men, it is possible for a woman to just throw it out there and get results if she so chooses, although, I think it takes away from the fun of letting them sweat.
But, there are still rules of engagement. While they are vastly different from a man's, if we followed them men probably wouldn't need so many (and you know they don't like to think too much). So, here's my go at what to do for the successful one night stand.
Rule 1: Be Safe - Men don't have to worry about this nearly as much. But if a woman is going to bring a stranger home, or worse, go to his place, safety is the most important thing. In the age of sleepwatchers, flashers, and just plain psychos (Col. Williams anyone?) it is just not cool to take the chance your one night is as nice as he seems. You should always have a friend that knows where you are and what is going on, and you should check in with them. It is safer to go to your house than his if possible, especially if you live in an apartment building. Keep your phone nearby. In the best scenarios, bringing home a someone who is a stranger to you but who a friend knows and can vouch for is ideal.
Also, never let a guy think it's o.k. to put you out after. I don't care if his grandmother is coming at 5 a.m. If you don't want to stay the night, make sure you are somewhere safe while waiting for a cab.
Rule 2: Choose Wisely - Chances are if you are ever going to do this it will be under the influence of alcohol. That is no excuse for bringing home someone that will make you want to throw up in the morning. Ideal candidates are the ones who are hot (at least good-looking!) but are lacking in the personality or intelligence departments. In fact, this may be what stupid/pretty guys were designed for. If you have a mutual acquaintance they can both vouch that he is safe and tell you if he is a good one-night candidate. DON'T take home someone you may be interested in getting to know.
Rule 3: Think Like a Man - Yes ladies. We are emotional, indecisive, and often kid ourselves. All true (i.said.it.now.deal is smirking right now). But with a one night stand it is important to think like a man. A woman is attracted to a guy who is not only hot, but also has potential as a mate. It's just how were are built. It is, in fact, sometimes very difficult for us to separate the two. A guy's personality is a factor in how attracted to them we are. Being very attracted to them makes us want to sleep with them. See where I'm going with this?
Right to a giant STOP sign. As much as I hate this and think it is a huge double-standard, women do not have the luxury of sleeping with a guy we don't know well and expecting to get to know them. Guys, however, often do get to decide whether they want to see the girl again (although, from i.said.it.now.deal's post I'm not sure they consider it a luxury). And ladies, most often they don't want to get to know you after.
Sure, I know about the marriages that were supposed to be one night stands (I personally know two) but they are the exception, not the rule and should be treated this way. This one can be tough, but it's also important. Avoid the heartache, pep talks and waiting by the phone. Think like a man: find someone sexy, do the deed, and peace out. If you think you'll want to date him at any point, don't do the deed. A man will do the exact same for you.
Rule 4: You Make the Decision - No Bullshit Necessary - With a one night stand we hold the cards. Isn't it fun? If we have decided that what we want is sex, then we can put away our bullshit detectors. They're no longer necessary. All those lines about how we're sexy and beautiful (nice to hear), how they just got out of a long relationship or other such baggage (gag in my mouth), or the favourite of all women "I'll give you a call", we no longer have to sort through. We made the decision. We're here for one night only. Who gives a shit what he says?
Rule 5: Use Protection - Please say this one is obvious! The key thing about the one night is that we don't know this person. Or what they have (I know, eeew, but true). While you should be using protection anyway (and abstinence is the only 100% safeguard and all that jazz) it would royally suck to find yourself pregnant by a guy who's phone number you didn't even bother to get. Also, make sure you are the responsible one. Don't rely on him to do the right thing.
Rule 6: Don't Expect a Phone Call - So, even with all of the above, sometimes it will happen that the sex is great and you wind up pillow talking for a bit and you think "hey, maybe this guy is actually alright." By all means, enjoy it. And then forget about it.
Unless you own a time machine you can't take back the fact that you slept with a guy you just met. There is NOTHING wrong with that, but you do waive the right to expect a phone call. If you think he is all that great, and HE ASKS for your number, then it's ok to see where it goes. Just don't wait by the phone. If he calls great. If not, don't spend a second of your time asking yourself why. You know why. Move on.
Rule 7 - Don't forget Rule 1. The most important rule. Rule 5 is pretty damn important too.
