So this post is a little late. I think mainly because I don't really get where i.said.it.now.deal is coming from. For most of the posts he writes, though I tend to drastically disagree, I at least understand the thought process. But this one left me a little stumped.
Part of it I think is that this post is basically suggesting that you shouldn't date someone (or be cautious dating someone) almost 8 months of the year. And then, I think, he is saying to avoid summer? So when do you date? Apparently only in the September and October, although if you factor in that you may have to take your new guy/gal to a Halloween party you're just fucked for the year.
The other thing is that I think our dating styles are so vastly different that sometimes I just can't relate. For example, he talks about dating 10 people and narrowing it down to one. Ok, fine. Fundamentally I don't see anything wrong with dating multiple people if you just want to see what is out there, and cutting others off if you happen to fall for one. But I think there is something wrong with the approach to this dating scenario that factors into this wrong time to date thing.
What ever happened to just meeting someone that you like and asking them out? Rather than just going out with a pool of people for the hell of it, why not just go out with someone cause, I don't know, you like them? So old fashioned, I know. But even in the world of online dating, the idea of choosing 10 people to go out with and then "narrowing it down" to the one who bothers you least is a strange concept to me.
But aside from that, what the hell does the time of year have to do with any of this? Why is a factor at all? Cause there are commercial holidays and warm weather that could fall in between? What does he mean you could be stuck with them?
Personally, I hate dating people around the holidays. Not because of any bearing it has on potential commitment or not, just that I don't like the pressure of picking out gifts for the significant other. That I could understand. With the last guy I dated his birthday fell a couple of weeks after I started dating him. I baked him a cake, oddly at the suggestion of the guy I was seeing before him, and left it at that. But I did stress a bit over what to do about it.
i.said.it.now.deal also seems to think that girls can't cope with not having a significant other for the Christmas holiday. I don't know a single girl who has ever told me they feel this way. I certainly don't. And the couples I do know, with the exception of the really long term ones (and even some of those), usually spend Christmas apart with their respective families.
Valentine's Day i'll give him. It is far more common to want to be in a relationship to celebrate the holiday that's built around being in a relationship. But that's one day out of the year.
I don't understand the April, May, June thing at all. Don't date someone in these months because you might get into the summer? Sure, it's great to have someone to do things with in the summer. But why would you not date someone months before summer based on the assumption you might not be able to break up with them? No one is holding a gun to your head.
I can understand sometimes it's hard to know whether or not to break up with someone around a holiday. Do you wait for the holiday to pass when you know it's not right? Or do you do it in advance?
I have friend that ended his long-term relationship a couple of weeks before Christmas. A lot of people asked why he just didn't wait out the holidays. His response was simple. It wasn't working and the relationship had run it's course so there was no reason to prolong it. But on top of that, sticking it out that last Christmas would have only made it a lie. If I was that girl I wouldn't want to be thinking that my last fond memories with that person was just bullshit to try and make me feel better. And it's often easy to see through, so the person usually knows something isn't right anyway.
i.said.it.now.deal also said "when you're caught up in the moment - or when someone else is caught up in the moment - you might realize that the moment is all you two really have." Is this not a risk whenever you start dating someone? I started dating my last boyfriend in September. We had a pretty epic first meeting. Stuff movies are made of. I even thought that if this was the guy I was supposed to marry our engagement photos and wedding speech be amazing. Yep. This chick was caught up in the moment. But I realized pretty quickly that this guy was not the guy for me. I realized that the moment was all we had.
So what? I ended it.
Dating shouldn't be based on a time of year. If you meet someone you like, date them. If it turns out to be a fling, have fun. If it turns out to be more, don't limit yourself by saying if I stop liking this person eventually I have to worry about breaking up with them in the wrong month. Come on, i.said.it.now.deal, at least entertain the thought that we aren't made of glass and won't be emotionally traumatized by for the rest of our lives if we get dumped anywhere near a holiday.
If you find it's not working, break up with them. Breakups can be tough no matter what time of year it is. If you really like a person it's not going to be the time of year that hurts, it's the loss. But in the end that can't be avoided anyway. The people stuck in relationships that they don't want to be in out of fear of hurting the other are miserable. And you're not doing them any favours.
So, there you have it. First post of the new year. And so far 2011 has been pretty awesome for this chick. Hope it's the same for you :)
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