I don't consider myself stuck in the past. Yeah, yeah, I much prefer a guy ask me out and pay for the first date, etc. But in general, in life, I consider myself pretty modern.
I'm all for spending my hard-earned money on things that make my life more fun and easy, like new video game systems or dishwashers or, hopefully one day, a robot that will cook and do laundry. I can totally get behind a CGI movie as long as the plot is sound. I don't resist change.
I'm completely for working mothers and men doing the cooking. I'm for all types of relationships. I think a woman should be able to sleep with as many men as she fucking feels like it and not give a damn what people think. (Sidenote When called a slut on Desperate Housewives, Vanessa Williams replied, sarcastically, Oh No! Now chip won't take me to the prom!~ always makes me giggle).
And I embrace social media. I fought for others at work to embrace it, with some success (although, admittedly, that success probably had little to do with my nagging). I am a Facebook addict and there is no help for me (Seriously?? Facebook is still not a recognized word???).
But when it comes to social media and the dating world I just can't get behind it.
I hear stories about people who have met online. I know a couple getting married that met on Lavalife. @AngieMmmmm and @isaiditnowdeal met on Twitter. So it does happen.
But in my experience, social media does more to harm relationships than good for them.
I was thinking about this a lot as I watched a few friends' relationships deteriorate over Facebook, which this post will be devoted to.
My friend's girlfriend went down south a while back. She came back and posted in her status "It's so good to be home!!!!"
My friend posts: "Miss X is back! Can't wait to see my girl!!!"
Sweet, right?
Then Miss X posts pictures. And a Mr. X started to appear in a lot of them. And with the Facebook world watching, the following ensued:
Miss X's status: Wow
Friend's status: What the Fuck!
Miss X's status: I did not need to come back to this shit
Friend's status: Funny how a girl flies down south twice in three months and the same dude is in all her pics. Yeah, real classy.
Miss X's status: Is this for real? Man, some people have some serious trust issues.
Friend's status: Done.
And moments later in my news feed: Friend is no longer in a relationship with Miss X, followed by Miss X is now listed as single.
It was pretty funny.
But, in my friend's defense, Miss X is now engaged to the boy down south, so in this case FB caught a cheater. Which, occasionally, it's been known to do. Anyone else recall the guy who's wife found pics of his second wedding on FB while they were still married?
Problem is, Facebook by design can create cheaters. On top of that, it's often used to seek out cheaters that aren't really there.
Hear me out. In high school you were totally in love with your sweetheart. Everything was wonderful and you were going to get married, but, as is the fate of many high school relationships, you both went to college and drifted apart. Typical, even if a little bit wholesome and cutesie.
Years later, when you've moved on with your life and lost all contact you meet someone and fall in love (or something like it). Things are great.
And then you get a message. The ex has found you on FB. And they look good. And they live in your city or are visiting in town. And they want to get together for drinks.
Yeah, yeah. You're a good chick/guy. Whatever. Maybe you'll go, maybe you won't. Maybe something will happen, maybe it won't. But if it does, it's fair to say that FB created a situation that otherwise likely may never have happened.
Sure there is e-mail and phone, even handwritten letters before all that. But Facebook makes it easy to find that person you've always wondered about in a way like never before. It makes it easy to chat with them with out your significant other knowing. Makes it easy to send dirty messages and erase the evidence.
Good old FB, friend to cheaters the world over.
But the other problem is people already know this. And they check.
Another friend of mine, let's call him R, was extremely insecure. His girlfriend, M, had cheated on him in the past, but they had broken up for a year and were trying to give it another go. They had their issues right from the start (they will be featured in another post on toxic relationships), but FB was their downfall.
See, everyday he would come home and check who's wall she commented on. Who's status's she liked. Go through pictures and demand to know who every guy in them was. He would get paranoid saying she friended someone and now it's not showing so she must be hiding it. He would ask me about guys I had as mutual friends with her and try to find out how they knew each other. And she was no better.
The last straw in their relationship was when she left her Facebook open and a guy sent her a chat message. Turns out he was an old friend, but he had no idea who it was. He pretended to be her and came on to him. He responded and he hit the roof. She had to be cheating on him with this guy.
According to her (and for the record, I believe her), the guy always liked her but they hadn't spoken in a long time. He had messaged her because he just broke up with his girlfriend and was, in fact, looking to hook up. Given the chance, she would have told him no. But the damage was done and the fallout caused the end of the relationship.
As I said, their relationship was toxic. Ending it was probably a good thing, and really, his actions weren't really all that sane. They had no trust, and trust is essential in having a successful relationship.
But don't tell me you've never looked to see who that guy/girl who wrote something on your wo/man's wall was....never creeped an ex or their old friend of the opposite sex to see how hot they are...never seen something in a wall post or in a photo that left you feeling a little bit of doubt....
Yeah, relationships, Facebook is not your friend.
But then again, it does have it's advantages. How else would the morons of the world know they were in a relationship to begin with without changing their status?
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