DAMN HIM! This is probably the one post that @isaiditnowdeal is going to come off looking better than me. But hey, if I'm gonna do this I may as well be honest right?
Yeah, I cheat. I couldn't tell you how many times. I've also been the chick on the side and I like it.
@isaiditnowdeal has been the one on the side many times and doesn't seem to care. It's interesting how he can say "I'm no one's moral compass" and then condemn himself and others for cheating. If you know how it made you feel and you are so against it, why encourage others to? And if you are ok with being one half of the issue, why say the other is so terrible? But, whatev. You can read his take here, but for now you get mine.
In junior high and high school there were lots of guys I dated that I didn't cheat on. There were some that I did. Kissed another guy at a party or stuff like that. Stupid stuff. I told my boyfriends after or got caught and it's amazing how many of them forgave me. But after that there are always trust issues and then there isn't any point. I usually ended it shortly after anyway because it just doesn't work. Even with second chances, there really isn't a clean slate.
Anyway, then I met a guy and dated him for five years. And guess what? Didn't cheat on him once. Since then I've had three relationships. I've dated lots of people, but I am aware that I have commitment issues so I usually don't go there. I know I'm not ready to settle down.
I have dated more than one person at a time. Or been seeing someone and slept with someone else. But unless there is a commitment in place I don't call that cheating. And I'm clear about not being exclusive. But three times I got it in my head that I should go for it and went all in. One time I didn't cheat. Two times I did.
So why did I cheat? Why do people cheat at all?
I see so many blog posts and articles on this issue that condemn cheaters. Even the authors that say they have cheated preface their story with something like "I know this is horrible but...". Whatever.
There are theories that cheaters have low self-esteem. Huh. Last time I check my self-esteem was intact and pretty-damn high.
Maybe cheaters are cowards? Not buying that one either. I don't like breaking up with guys (see post here) but it's not cause I'm scared to or I'm worried about hurting them. It's just bloody exhausting.
There is also supposed to be a gene or something that makes you prone to cheating. Maybe I have that? I don't know. But my parents are still together and both say they have never cheated on each other so I probably didn't get it from them.
There is also the cheater's defense. I really didn't mean to, it just happened. I was really drunk. He/she seduced me. Blah blah blah. I promise you, as an adult, there was never a time that I cheated for any of these reasons. There was never a time I cheated because I didn't WANT to. There was never a time when I didn't fully understand the consequences of my actions.
So what then?
My favourite relationship guru Greg Behrendt, says "if he's sleeping with someone else HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU". (SIDE NOTE: Every single female should read this book. It's amazing. Don't see the movie, it blows. I'm Scarlett Johansson's character to a tee. Seriously, I would have made all the choices and did all the things she did. Actually, I'm pretty sure I have, so watching it is always a punch in the gut.)
But back to the book. He's just not that into you if he's cheating on you. Man, Greg is a genius! Is it that simple? Yup. Does it go for women too? Yup.
The two guys I cheated on I just wasn't that into. And both times I was really into someone else. Couple that with opportunity and there you have it.
In the first case, my relationship had turned sour. He was just a really negative, bitter person. I had broken up with him about a week before and then he called and convinced me to give it another go. Except then this guy I was really really attracted to wanted to hang out. You can guess how that story ended. Give you a hint: not with the boyfriend.
The second time the guy really didn't do anything wrong. He was a nice guy. He liked me. Ok, he smothered me horribly. But he wasn't a bad guy or anything. I just wasn't that into him. So when the opportunity came to see a guy who I get turned on just thinking about, it didn't take much convincing. Could I have broken up with him first? Yeah, sure. But it would have been really awkward when it came to that point to say "Can you hang on a bit? I gotta call the boyfriend and break up. Give me about four hours."
There are some people you just really want to have sex with. It's true. I'd like to do Johnny Depp. Or either of the brothers on Supernatural. Or the angel for that matter (Love @mishacollins!). The point is there is always someone else you're going to want to have sex with somewhere. I'm looking for a guy who makes the choice easy. I don't buy once a cheater, always a cheater, because when I'm really in the relationship and really want my boyfriend, I don't cheat.
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